A smiley kinda day :)

Well, so far today it has been great!  Steven is off doing his thing while I work and take care of kids.  Yes, that is the only low point.  So I get to write a great new blog of the day since I am so pleased with my recent news.  My sister gets to come visit which will likely get to happen in the next week or two!!!  That puts a huge smile on my face and then a plus too is going to do my taxes tomorrow at the IRS!!!  I am hyped because depending on what I get back is how my new adventure and lease on life is going to be.  It could be hard or it could be easy!!!  I am gonna start looking just browsing maybe a little peek into some rentals in some local towns.  I am thinking Millstadt but we will see.  I desperately want to get out of the city life and more into some wide open spaces.  Somewhere with some fresh air and away from the stagnent air of this city I use to call home!  I will have to learn to drive.  Yes, 32 and no license.  I will have to fix that!  and a car!!!  A must do!!!  Those are some of my goals.  To be more independent and less reliant!!!  I am so hyped and yes that makes me overly happy!!!  So I get some more guests and maybe a fresh start!!!  I can't wait.  Please God lead me on this wonderful path, I plan to do all I can to make it happen!!!

A new lease on life...

Well.  Today I woke up, made some English tea (tea w/milk in it.  Mind you it is hot), jumped on the computer and now I am searching for some gift from God.  A job of sorts.  Something legit, something real and if I leave the house even better!!!  I have a goal, a mission so to speak.  To leave my comfort zone and head out into the world.  I am looking for some self reliance, a piece of pie that is different.  A new taste or smell.  Something that will say, "Yes, this is a new begining".  I think I deserve that, at the least.  I don't know what I will do ... Where I will go.  BUT I do know that wherever God leads me it will be great!!!  I have a handful of great friends and I want to make more.  My goals are my own and I might decide to share them later but for now I am keeping them to myself.  I will let you know when I reach each goal though!  AND if I am nice enough I will tell you what goal and why I made that goal LOL... I am so happy to have a new veiw on how I want things.  This is a mans world but it is my life !!!  I am sure that I can make my way and pave my path and still succeed!!!  I am sure I won't need any help but if I do I got my family and friends to help along the way :)

A Day of Lovers...

     Well, today is the day of lovers.  Or rather for those whom are in love.  I often wonder how people can fall in and out of love so much and I guess it all has to do with age.  The young are often in and out of love and the older 30+ are trying to stick with one and settle.  I found my love at a very young age and was very content.  I still am.  Though life is not the best I find myself very happy in my relationship.  Relationships are that of trial and tribulations.  There is so much to learn on a day to day basis still and I have been married 9 yrs this year!!!  I find it a huge milestone though you are nothing until you hit 10, 25, and 50.  I hope that I get that long with the man in my life.  For I surely do not want to have to train another!!!  Most people don't stick it out and ride out the storms.  Divorces are high in demand and even more so now than 50 yrs ago.  I don't know why but  I am glad to be one of the exceptions.  Today is a day to enjoy for my love does not just stem from my husband but also our 4 lovable children.  I can't wait to give them their Valentine and send them off to school for a day of fun!!!  I hope everyone out there finds some love today or at least has a special someone to share it with.  Here is to Love and all the things you will do for it.

Coping with Life...

Well, today has been eventful.  As I sit here wondering what to do next I know I must make dinner and get kids off to bed soon so they can start Monday off with a big bang.  After all it is Valentines Day <3  I am just tired of being tired and right now I am even more tired of being tired.  I seem to linger on all the things I should not.  Like being mad at problems in my life will make them go away.  I don't know why or how I do these things to myself but I do ... Day in and day out.  I just can't seem to help the anger and agitation anymore.  I pray for strength and for help but still it seems I am destined to be on this road.  I wish that it would just fork off already and get me on a more peaceful path.  I feel that God is with me and helping me cope but not really helping to do anything about it at all.  Is it just me or does this mean that something else has to change in my life before things start to even look up again?  If that is the case I fear things will never get back to normal or at least close to it.  I have been so enraged that past two years now that all I can think about is what it is that makes me mad, angry or even pissed off.  If only there was an answer to all my issues.  I think about my kids and how my behaviors can make them feel.  How it effects them and what I can do to make things better for them.  It just hurts so bad to feel this low all the time and never seem to get back up.  If I had my way I would be a kid again.  Have my mom do all the worrying for me and just crawl into a cave and rot there.  On the other hand I am not.  So I tough out each day in hopes of a better day to come.  It just seems that after 2 yrs that it is never gonna come.  That it is just not ment to be or that maybe I have to do something drastic in order for changes to come.  Either way today I am feeling up yet very down.  If only there was a good inbetween for me.  Well I hope everyone else is having a great day.

Here is to Lemons...

     So the saying goes "When life gives you lemons, make lemonaide".  In therory it sounds great.  But what if you don't like lemons?  Do you make something else?  I have realized that my basket is filling, if not over full.  I think it is time to do something with these lemons.  I can bake a little so I think I will start there.  Lifes lessons keep adding up tho and the more I make the more that basket keeps refilling.  I am all for obsticules and objects in the rearview mirror appearing smaller than they are.  But wait a minute.  Is there not a day for rest anymore?  Is there not a day for tossing those lemons that are bad anyway?  Then it came to me.  I dont have to make lemonaide or even bake.  I realized that prayer was my answer.  For every lemon that comes to me I just say a little prayer and there goes my lemon.  No lemonaide, no cooking, no bad lemons festering and no basket.   I think lemons are great but instead of making something of them we should outsource them :)  Why not the government and businesses do it... why can't we right???  What do you think God is doing in heaven?  Sitting there enjoying himself, watching us make mistake after mistake and then not do anything about it.  Sure if you pray and ask to win a game your odds are still the same.  God does not care who wins or loses.  He cares about our reactions, our behaviors.  He wants us to be good sports.  I think tossing him those lemons would be a great way of showing that we are good sports.  So now that I have this new found discovery.  I am think I am going to put it to some use.  I will pray my lemons away :)  And yes there is a day of rest too... It is on Sunday when you should do nothing but show thanks and faithfulness to the one who takes those lemons and makes his own lemonaide.

My mornings...

     Each day brings me a new morning.  Each morning is filled with getting kids ready for school, packing their bag, signing my John Hancock on all appropriate papers and then heading out the door.  I am a paranoid mom, as I do not let my kids from my site unless they are on the bus. So here I am banging on the keys of this keyboard and drinking hot cocoa (no coffee made yet). My kids off to school.  I have done my work for the day or at least it seems I have.  But there is more to come.  I have  a list of things I have to do today and one being my taxes!  A mothers job is never done either.  But my mornings are cherished times to myself (except today because Sera is up).  I have some quiet, so I can listen to music (that I like), play my Cafe World on Facebook, Clean some more just to see it get dirty again and then by the time all of that is done 3:45 pm comes around and my boys will be home!!!  4 hours later we will be getting ready for bed and then 11 hours later a new morning and a new beginning!  If their is anything interesting inbetween I will have to post it later as well it is only 9 a.m.  Hope everyone has a great morning :)

5 years seems so long ago...

     It has been 5 yrs since my daughter was born and it seems just like yesterday.  It saddens me to see her growing so fast.  It was only yesterday I brought her home and now is seems as though time has slipped away.  I tried time and time again to capture and recapture those loving memories.  But still they slip through!  I remember so much but yet without pictures or others memories I have lost all that was intended to be remembered.   My heart about broke the other day as I hugged her and she requested me to let go.  Her independence is strong and her opinions are starting to count.  It is funny watching kids as they grow.  They know more than you.  Are smarter than you.  And can even show you how to do things that you never knew.  I am shocked at how much they learn and so fast.  Seraphina (my daughter) is only 5 and navigates the internet, plays video games, and even orders movies on netflix.  How is it possible that kids can learn so fast?  She is very smart and quick witted.  I am way in over my head as it is but can only imagine how she will be in another 5 to 10 years.  I can wait but will enjoy each new thing she does as she grows.  Being a mom is great but watching them grow is a gift from God.  I am lucky to have 4 of my own and one of them is yet another year older!